It’s a question I have been asking myself for the past 2
weeks and even as I sat this morning pausing to hit send, my resignation letter
that I had written. It was evident, all decided, yet I felt strange. It is
indeed strange to know that you will have to leave your home of 15 years never
to return back, to know that you will never go back to the office that you have
been going to everyday for an year, to know that you will never again go back
home late at night to find your mom waiting up with hot food.
My hands trembled, I suddenly found my eyes moist as my mind
contemplated weighing different things. Big opportunities lay ahead that
excited me, at the same time to throw away all that I had was difficult. It had
all begun a few weeks ago, I found a change in myself, I explored my office
campus and I started loving it, I also suddenly started loving my work more
than before, I started feeling the curtains and bedspreads at my home realizing
after a very long time, the warmth and comfort they carried, the smell of my
mom’s cotton sari, from the food I loved to the streets that I called home, I
started loving it all more than ever.
Why was this happening? I asked myself repeatedly, “Do all
good things begin at the end?” The friends I made, the opportunities at work,
realizing the comfort of staying at home. My thoughts were too heavy to be
weighed in a 6 by 7 feet cubicle. I went out with a belief that a solitary walk
would clear my head. I walked along the street, the same street that I had been
walking for an year, why then did it seem all the more glorious now, I waved to
some of my friends, why then did they seem all the more special now. And then I
knew, it was not the place, it was the time, the circumstance. When life is
stripped of monotony, it gets interesting. When you walk a road with the
realization that you will never again walk on it, you would want to experience
it all, to take in everything it has to offer which otherwise you would have tossed
away from your mind as any other trivial road. Same with people, you realize
their value only when you have to leave them. It was one of those weird
situations where taking a step ahead was as painful as not taking the step at
all especially when you have dreamt about the step ahead all your life.
It was then I had mustered enough courage to get back and
hit send, however is this the right decision, only time will tell J
